


Toddlers of Hell

by kanoitrace



Series: Tumblr Fic [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Babysitting, Crack, Gen, Kid Fic, M/M, Toddler Lucifer, Toddler Sam Winchester, Toddlers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 18:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2439167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanoitrace/pseuds/kanoitrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Cas are left in charge of their hellion little brothers, Sam and Lucifer. They were not prepared for this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Toddlers of Hell

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt from PharoComics: Dean and Cas have been tasked with caring for the hellion toddlers, Sam and Lucifer. Sam is just weird and Lucifer keeps trying to pry his mouth open and shove body parts in, entire head included. It never seems to stop.
> 
> Why don't I write more kid fic? It is seriously probably my favorite thing ever to write. I should do it more often.

Dean could honestly say he was in Hell. He had died at some point, and now he was being punished. The only benefit was seeing Castiel, his best friend (or secret crush, whatever), actually brought out of his calm, nothing-can-ever-bother-me bubble. Which, of course, meant Dean got to comfort him... Maybe that was a little twisted, but beggars can't be choosers, as they say.

"I can't believe our parents thought we had the capabilities to do this," Cas moaned, face buried in his hands.

Dean chuckled and gave his friend (secret crush) a reassuring pat on the back. "Come on, man. It's not  **that**  bad."

The look Castiel shot him sent a chill down Dean's spine, and if looks could kill? Yeah, he's pretty sure he'd be dead. Except he was already dead because this was hell {even if he was trying to convince Cas otherwise).

"I've died and gone to hell," Cas sobbed, face once again buried in his hands.

Dean winced because, seriously, could the dude read minds? He hoped not because that could be potentially dangerous.

Cas continued, "Why, Lord? Why have you forsaken me? Have I not been steadfast in my devotion? What have I done to deserve such punishment?"

Dean winced. Mellow dramatic much? He was just about to say as much when two toddlers covered in... what the fuck even was that?... ran up, and Dean realized that Cas was not being mellow dramatic at all. Nope. He was being perfectly reasonable in his cries. Dean figured even he, with all his blasphemous ways, didn't deserve this, so certainly the church-going Castiel didn't.

"What the fuck is on you two!?" Dean shouted, which earned him an immediate smack from Castiel.

"Language!" he scolded.

Dean rolled his eyes, ready to tell Cas it was no big deal if he cussed until he saw the grin coming across Lucifer's face. The boy opened his mouth to speak, but Castiel surged forward and covered the boy's mouth with his hand.

"If you ever repeat that, I will make you regret it," Castiel threatened his younger brother with an expression so severe it almost had Dean pissing his own pants. Lucifer, though, just took it in stride, returning Castiel's glower with an angry glare of his own. The two Novak brothers stared each other down for a moment more before Castiel scooped the child up under his arm and hauled him in the direction of the bathroom, Lucifer squawking at the sudden manhandling.

"I don't know what you've done to yourself, but we're cleaning you up," the older Novak informed the younger. Lucifer screamed bloody murder the whole way to the bathroom and after. The sound was only muffled by the door closing and the sound of the water running.

Sam and Dean just stared after them for a moment in shock, until Sam turned around and looked up at Dean, stating, "I don't like Lucifer."

Dean chuckled, reaching out to ruffle his little brother's hair and then thinking better of it. "Seriously, what the hell are you both covered in?"

Sam grinned up at him, and it sent a morbid chill down Dean's spine. "Slime!"

The elder Winchester sputtered for a moment. "Slime!? Where did you- ...You know what, I don't even want to know. Let's just get you cleaned up."

Sam's brow furrowed in confusion. "There's only the one tub."

"Exactly, and you two can share," was all Dean said as he scooped up his own brother, hauling him off to where the Novaks were already.

When Dean opened the door, he froze in his tracks. There was Cas, bathing his hellion little brother. This was not just any Cas, though. No. This was a very shirtless, very soaking wet Cas. This was the Cas that would fuel wet dreams for at least the next month. He could have stood there staring forever, except that Sammy, incorrigible brat that he is, chose that moment to pinch him.

He almost dropped the kid, yelping in pain and shouting, "What the hell, Sammy!"

Sam just squirmed more, shouting, "Put me down!"

Dean grunted, trying to handle the insane toddler strength of his brother without getting kicked in the face. "Sammy! I swear to god, I'm about to throw you in the tub fully clothed!"

Once Sam finally calmed down, both Winchesters realized that there was utter silence in the bathroom. When Dean looked up, he found both Novaks watching them with twin expressions of judgment (raised eyebrows and all). Dean could feel the blush growing all the way up to his hair.

Lucifer turned his attention to his brother, calmly stating, as though he hadn't been screaming like a banshee just moments before, "At least I've never tried to kick you."

Castiel nodded sagely. "This is true."

The thoughts that Lucifer was more well-behaved than him in any capacity seemed to placate Sam into a more agreeable mood. The child patiently allowed Dean to strip him down and place him in the tub. The peace lasted all of not even five seconds.

As soon as Sam hit the water, Lucifer was on him, tackling the other child and prying his mouth open.

Castiel sprung into action, reaching for his brother and trying to pull him off. "What are you doing!?"

"Sam Winchester is my one, true vessel!" Lucifer cried out, making a valiant effort to shove his head into the other child's mouth.

"What the hell do they teach at that weird church of yours!?" Dean demanded of Castiel, reaching for his own brother.

The struggle continued until the bathroom was covered in water. By the end of the so-called bath, neither child could be considered clean still, and the older brothers were both drenched head to toe (not that Dean was complaining about that particular piece of eye candy). They did well just to get the boys in their underwear again, barely managing to keep the boys from each other as they continually were trying to grapple each other (Lucifer still claiming that Sam was his vessel- Cas was going to have to talk to his mother about just what  **was**  going on in Lucifer's Sunday school class?- and Sam just wanting to fight Lucifer because he didn't like him).

By the time their parents got home, the Winchester house was a disaster, and, of course, both toddlers acted like perfect angels the second the adults walked through the door, making their brothers out to be incompetent fools and bad role models ("Dean and Cas got in the bath together!" was Sam's claim, while Lucifer went straight for, "Dean taught me the word 'fuck', Mama!"). It was awful, and they were both grounded to the point it could almost be considered cruel and unusual punishment, until Castiel, ever the voice of reason, reminded him, "At least we'll never be asked to babysit again."

That was the biggest reward they could have ever asked for. Until about two months later when, seemingly, their parents forgot what a disaster the whole thing had been and asked them to do it again, this time for a whole weekend.

 


End file.
